I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
