If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
