You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
