I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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