after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize