She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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