3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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