Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
