Ambien. No doubt about it.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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