she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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