I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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