Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
