Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
