Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
