I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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