I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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