eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
