Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
how does that bad decision feel?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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