I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Farmville is her only friend.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
