I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
