I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Randomize
