I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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