I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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