who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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