On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
