it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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