Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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