so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
