His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
