One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i can't believe i had my finger in that
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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