Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
