He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
