He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
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I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
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she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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