Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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