new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
