he puts the penis in happiness.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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