Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
