i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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