Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize