After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
