he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
