You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
