from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
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