Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
