College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
