Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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