Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
