i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
