But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
