i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
