I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
