Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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