Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
