Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
