what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
