I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
