sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
