What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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