Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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