Non-Jews are for practice
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
