he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
