i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
