She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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