If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i think i have two assholes
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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