you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
