I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
