WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
