yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
