ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
