Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
