I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
