Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
