i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
