I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I am one with the molecules
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
