I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
