I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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