This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
