you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
