I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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