He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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