you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
