i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
