my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
