What a fucking waste of an outfit
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
