dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
