so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
