I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
